Jul 25, 2013
My discovery of the Manosphere brought me to a shocking realization; I never had a father figure who taught me the importance of being a real man. Instead my father succumbed to the feminist agenda and eventually became its official mouthpiece in my house.
My accidental discovery of the Manosphere about 2 months ago has its humble beginnings in January 2012. It was the last semester of college and I was mostly preoccupied with finding a job that would please everybody. A friend offhandedly showed me some pickup videos from Simple Pickup and I was instantly hooked.
Up until that point I had a pretty frustrating time in college with relationships and dating. I had been with several women and even had a girlfriend, but all the women I dated lacked self-esteem and were carrying a lot of heavy baggage. Come to think of it now, I never really connected with my ex on a deep level and we just stayed around each other for the convenience and validation. The women who had any semblance of self-respect would promptly friendzone me and leave me wondering why the world was so cruel.
After seeing those videos, nay, devouring those videos like a fat kid eating cake, I gathered the courage to go out and hit on women in public. I won’t go into the details of my pickup adventures and just say that I’m much better with women than I ever was before.
To supplement my newfound obsession with pickup I started reading a lot of literature on self-improvement and self-development. Some of it was good and some of it was bad, but the habit of reading practical literature stuck with me and helped me make a lot of important discoveries about myself. I finally started confronting my personal issues which I had long suppressed for a variety of reasons.
Fast forward to today and I finally realize that my pickup journey had a much deeper motivation than my sub-par dating life.
Growing up, I always held my father in the highest esteem because he is a charismatic and handsome man. He has a wonderful story-telling ability that would keep me engaged and coming back for more. Despite all these positive qualities, my father is a well-disguised “fake Alpha.”
He is from a poor country family and married a rich metropolitan beauty queen to gain status. He doesn’t stand any constructive criticism and goes out of his way to impress people to find temporary validation. He likes to assert his authority around his house with bold words, but always ends up supplicating to my mother.
My mother is a very controlling and strong-willed woman who always gets her way. She controls everything around the house including finances and the final decisions. She is the worst kind of feminist; the kind that doesn’t raise up a loud stink but quietly and manipulatively emasculates the men around her.
This is the house I grew up in and the man I aspired to be. Naturally I became a very insecure and brazen youth who constantly sought validation from his peers. In other words, the apple didn’t’ fall far from the tree and I was a little “fake Alpha Jr.” in the making.
I am eternally grateful to my brother for giving me some tough manly love during my teen years which prevented me from turning into a complete wuss. At the time I hated his methods because I was afraid to leave the feminized world my parents imposed on me and see the world of real men. He was always fighting a tough battle against the combined forces of my parents, but he managed to plant a seed in my mind before circumstances forced him out of my life.
The Power of other Men
By now you can probably guess that I always struggled to express my thoughts and feelings and kept them bottled up inside me. On the surface I always managed to keep a cool demeanor, but the bottled up frustrations and hurts manifested themselves in other less pleasant ways. One of the manifestations was my fear of learning to be a man. I was so afraid to act on my natural male urges to lead and pursue women that I spiraled into a vicious cycle of Betadom. Supplicating to women, being a “nice guy”, being afraid to speak up, and hiding my true feelings are all behaviors that I’m more than familiar with.
The worst part of this experience is that I felt terribly alone. I felt like I couldn’t relate to anybody and that is a very dark place to be in. The discovery of the Manosphere was a profound experience because the men who were part of it really “spoke” to me. For the first time ever, men I never met before put in words what I had been feeling for the longest time. I began to see the world differently when the shroud was lifted.
I take full responsibility for all my actions, but the influence of my mother and the absence of a truly strong father figure definitely had a significant impact on me. For the first time I began reaching out to other men to finding answers and guidance that my father was never able to give me. The bloggers and authors of the Manosphere really helped me understand a lot of my issues in a new light.
The Status Quo
The status quo as I see it now is that a lot of my fellow 20-something men don’t have positive male role models. Instead of growing up to manly men who take charge, we grew up to SpongeBob and Sex and the City. For the longest time I couldn’t relate to men because they are so vilified in modern popular culture. The father figure is relegated to a comical and oafish brute who serves as comical relief in the many sitcoms that populate cable television. I used to laugh at that stuff and take it at face value, but now I realize how dire its consequences can be.
I often fear that this downward spiral of dismissing men will continue. There is no shortage of vocal feminists and popular media outlets that continue to press their agenda. Many women in my age group consider themselves modern and liberated women, which translates into promiscuity and a feeling of entitlement. Sometimes I really feel down about it.
Yet there is a growing beacon of hope. The Manosphere has been growing in influence and touching the lives of many men all around the world. I’m really grateful to the men who take it upon themselves to help their fellow brothers out of the mire. I am drawn to them because they are teaching me things which my father should have taught me.
It is very uncomfortable and scary to learn to be a real man after 20 something years of reverse conditioning. A lot of behaviors which should be natural have to be learned and practiced in the face of constant resistance from the mind and body. The negative stigma of manliness makes it that much harder for this process to succeed. These are all real issues.
Despite all this resistance, I’m confident that I found the right place to continue my growth. As I roam the Manosphere and discover new content I begin to zero in on the kind of a man I want to become. My father did not give me the right tools, but I found the missing pieces in this community. The future is bright because this is one man that won’t be afraid to face it!
Editor’s note: This is a common sentiment that we hear quite a bit from a lot of members of the red pill forum, and one of the main reasons we set up a specific board focusing on masculinity and the pursuit of embracing a positive masculine identity. Check it out- http://www.reddit.com/r/becomeaman