Jul 31, 2013
Pre-selection. Pretty much every tenet of game revolves around this concept. The idea is simple: Women want a man of value. The best indicator of a man with value is finding a man that other women are attracted to.
It’s a meta signal, because men start exhibiting traits that demonstrate preselection instead of traits that show actual value in a mate. Strength, money, access to resources are actually beneficial to a potential mate. Instead, men find they can exhibit these meta-traits to attract women, because possessing these meta traits demonstrate access to women, who theoretically found him to display other traits of value (such as strength or access to resources).
Of course, that means if you can learn to exploit preselection, you can more likely attract mates without necessarily possessing the actual traits that give a man value, only the ones that signal that others think you do!
Being seen in public with a woman or multiple women is the standard of pre-selection social proof. Almost all the signals that game attempts to exploit are all attempts at hacking pre-selection, by giving the appearance of pre-selection when there is none actually happening:
- Abundance Mentality - playing it fast and loose with women because you don’t need any single one of them since you’ve always got more
- Displaying confidence – showing that this isn’t your first rodeo signals that you’ve been with other women
Both of these fake pre-selection by displaying traits that would otherwise be present in people who have been pre-selected by other women.
These hacks have been useful in creating what’s known as the gaming community or pickup community.
But there’s a major game changer on the scene: Online dating.
The Problem of Online Dating and Pre-Selection
The problem with online dating is that it signals something very anti-pre-selection: You do not have a mate or options, so you are going online to find one. Even if it’s not true, there is an undertone that being online means you are unable to attract mates elsewhere.
Naturally, the tendency of game-savvy men is to still attempt to game on their profiles. But it’s difficult if you don’t recognize the disadvantages of pre-selection in this context.
Exploiting pre-selection for pickup only works (and is really more necessary) because you lack the original qualities that cause pre-selection. You are “faking-it-till-you-make-it.” An online profile reveals your bluff on pre-selection, which means exploiting abundance mentality or confidence will be difficult if not impossible.
This leads to people making extreme profiles, because standard levels of confidence and abundance mentality are canceled out by the reveal of being online in the first place.
Some men have found luck with being so extreme, that it borders absurd or parody. Being overtly sexual or astoundingly brazen manages to say, “hey this is so ridiculous it can’t possibly work..” And if it’s so ridiculous it won’t work, then this guy isn’t maximizing his strategy. And if he’s not maximizing his strategy, he must not really care if it works. If he doesn’t care, then it’s probably because he’s already having sex with other women. And if he’s having sex with other women, he must be attractive. Pre-selection.
It is my contention that the only sure-fire way to reliably excel at online dating is to demonstrate the actual traits that would normally lead to preselection. Display strength and/or access to resources.
That’s right, you can snag a girl by writing you’re a plastic surgeon making $300k, or you can lift.
It’s already been shown by the okcupid blog that showing off your muscles is a great way to get messages.
[...] contrary to everything you read about profile pictures, if you’re a guy with a nice body, it’s actually better to take off your shirt than to leave it on.
So in the end, after all is said and done teaching men how to game and attract mates, the best strategy for online dating is to be attractive. Online dating it the anti-game. Ironically, the way to succeed the best at online dating is if you already possess the traits that would be effective at offline dating.
In a round-about sort of way, this also shows pre-selection at work. If you manage to show on your profile that you have the qualities that women select for, then it’s likely you do have mates already in the real world.
Online dating is a great supplement to an otherwise healthy sex life, but should not be used in place of in-person gaming, and certainly should not be used as an excuse not to in-person game.
If you are having trouble getting mates in meatspace, then it is my contention that online dating will be very very hard for you, and will likely serve no other purpose but to further erode your confidence.
If you aren’t having success, go to the gym, not the internet.