Aug 30, 2013
Welcome to our first edition of Alpha Up!, Puerarchy’s own advice column for our Red Pill readers. If you’ve read my previous blog you’ll know I like to get straight to the point. On that note…
“My greetings to you, and to all the red pill minded individuals out there. I have been an avid follower of the red pill and this newly formed ‘Puerarchy’ site. I would highly appreciate it if you answer my question.
So here it goes, I have a close friend of mine that is turning Beta (maybe even Gamma), he used to be a text book Alpha until he met the girl he’s with right now. They’ve been together for almost two years, and I have observed their interactions for quite a while. She’s submissive at times, compulsive more often, and borderline batshit crazy on occasion. I tried to break it down to him in the form of advice but he got angry and didn’t want me speaking about it, it’s like he lives in denial. After a month or so from my initial attempt to bring him back to planet Earth, the rest of our group tried to talk to him about this, because it was going out of hand and they were really concerned about his well-being. I was glad to see that the rest of the guys had his back and even more glad that I wasn’t the only one seeing the damage that’s being done to him.
In the past two years they have been seeing each other EVERY single day, at her request of course. She is choking the life out of him. She calls/texts all the time when she’s not with him, and she sleeps over almost every night (tampons in the bathroom and all that good stuff), she’s obsessed with him to a sickening degree, she declares that he’s her almighty God (I have heard this). Even when it’s a guys night out, all the guys including myself show up alone, except him, he drags her around everywhere! We’d be like 7-8 guys and her just because he drags her along to the fucking UFC fight (or she manipulates him to bring her) and this has happened many times, more than I could count! And it’s like he submits to her requests, she starts to make herself look innocent and helpless, I don’t know if she’s manipulative by nature or she’s just weak like that. Maybe he likes to feel needed?
The problem is that he already sees this, but he can’t seem to break out of it. I also know that she’s been diagnosed with OCD and she takes medication for it.
This train obviously looks like its rolling downhill and its bound to derail soon, my question is, do I attempt to derail this train before it picks up the speed and becomes dangerous? Or just let it self-destruct into oblivion?
I say this because of my concern for this persons well-being. We gotta look out for each other.”
Editor’s note: This question was edited from its original formatting to correct some grammatical errors.
You need to understand it’s not your responsibility to save him from himself. It’s admirable and makes you a good friend to want to help, but you can’t help those who won’t help themselves. As the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.
It sounds like your friend knows what’s going on, but as you stated he can’t break free. This signals to me that there’s an element of codependency at play, and if I’m right then there’s going to be professional help for the two of them in the future when this relationship inevitably falls apart.
My advice for you is to continue being supportive of your friend, but realize that where he goes she’s bound to follow. If she’s being disruptive to your plans then it may come down to excluding him from time to time to avoid her drama. Just remember slow and steady wins the race, and feeding him a red pellet from time to time, in small doses, will go down a lot easier than a large red pill.
“This question is not so much about picking up girls but it has to do with being alpha and it is a pattern one can meet with girls one is really interested in. Let met explain my situation.
I have a female friend (zero sexual interest from my side; don’t really know from her side) who pings me often when she is bored via social media and whatsapp.
She starts conversations like “How are you doing? Are you free tomorrow?” etc. And whenever I answer her and ask her a questions she avoids it and never answers back.
Being someone who never does that kind of thing, her way of “communicating” pisses me off. I tried once ignoring her and she kept talking to me until I told her: “look I don’t like how you deal with non face-to-face communication”. But she always returns to her old habits.
I’ve been pondering three possible options (because this happened again some days ago):
a) Tell her in a firm way: “Your communication disrespects me. Don’t wanna know anything about you by those means”. The problem is that this could be seen as caring too much (which is not the case)
b) Ignore (avoid answering any longer). This could be seen as playing games.
c) Ignore & block from social media. This could be seen as butthurt.
On the other side being alpha could mean do whatever I want and don’t care about how my actions could be seen.
I am sure that this situation I am involved in happens a lot and that it gets far worse for those who are in love with the girl treating them like that. What’s the best option?”
This is actually a very common problem, and one I attribute to social media and the constant flood of attention women get from various orbiters, which I regret to inform you- you are included. She’s only reaching out to you when she wants attention, and whenever you’ve attempted to get her to invest in the conversation, which would require her giving something back, she goes dead air on you. This is her using you as her validation faucet that she taps whenever she wants attention, and by your own admission you’re giving it to her.
Don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world, and understand we’re all been there at one point or another. The question now is how do you break the cycle? For that, the answer it simple: deny her that which she desires. Typically this results in the woman giving chase as she’ll want that validation hit. The lack of attention will invoke some hamstering on her part and cause her to reach out more and more until one of two things happens: you falter and give her the attention she craves, or she finally gives up and stops pestering you for attention.
Since you’re not interested in this woman romantically, and you can already see that she’s a user and won’t make a good friend, my recommendation is to delete her number and simply cease all contact.
“How do you balance between saying yes and no? I’m currently trying to agree to more invitations, gatherings, events, and helping people. At the same time, I’m trying to say no to people who will just use me, abuse my loyalty and those who will resort to me.
I’m having trouble figuring out the line.”
When I started the self-improvement path I eventually ran into similar problems when my social circle started getting out of control. In my career one of the things I’ve learned over the years is that you can always make more money, but you can never make more time. As such, I prefer a solid work-life balance over higher income. When it comes to friends and hobbies I’m very much the same in valuing my time and choose not to associate with those who will waste it. In fact wasting my time is one of the fastest ways to get yourself on my shit-list.
To avoid wasting my time, especially whenever I’m making plans with new people I’m allowing into my life, I employ what I describe as buffers. Buffers are tools you can utilize to keep people at arm’s length without committing yourself to an activity. Women are masters of using buffers and are largely how they manage orbiters. Facebook and texting are two such examples of keeping in contact on their terms without having to invest much of themselves in the interaction. You need to learn to do the same.
The second thing I strongly recommend is to schedule your time. Just having a schedule is itself a type of buffer. If you’re not sure about someone or whatever it is they’re asking of you, you can use it to put people on the back-burner by telling them you’ll have to check your schedule and will get back to them. It can be a serious response, or a polite way of telling them no thanks. Which context is situationally dependent and up to you. This allows you to screen events, gatherings, and so on without hurting anyone’s feelings by having to back out of events you would have said yes to.
Bottom line, scheduling your time wisely will help keep you from forgetting about events you’re interested in, and it’s a great method for keeping your options open. When you combine scheduling and using buffers to keep people at arm’s length, you’ll discover a new level of control of your personal time.
And there we have it folks, our first edition is in the bag. Check back next week for a new round of questions and answers and maybe yours will be featured. Until then… don’t stick your dick in crazy!