Oct 30, 2013
Welcome to today’s installment of Alpha Up! Without further adieu…
I’m letting this girl from college stay in my dorm room until she gets her own because something happened with her living situation. I’ve had sex with her before but this time things seem different and she won’t talk to me much. She claims to be sick and has been skyping some other guy for the past two days. What should I do to change this dynamic?
This time things seem different because her attention is elsewhere, namely the guy she’s Skyping. This doesn’t mean you can’t get some action, it just means you’ve got to dominate her time and attention more than he is. The problem is that she’s already gotten what she wanted, namely a place to stay. This is why I always advice guys to “get theirs first”. You’ve got to ask yourself what’s in it for you when women are seeking arrangements like this.
Why are you investing (in the form of giving her a place to stay) without any investment from her in return? This is a very “beta” action, that is giving without receiving anything in return. Sure it’s a nice thing to do, but what about your own wants and needs are being met by this arrangement?
My Red Pill take on this, as I explained above, is to make it known, either overtly or implied, that she’s going to have to ante up if she wants whatever it is from you. Now that you’re already in this situation here’s a few things you can do to really drive home the point you….expected certain things from this arrangement. First and foremost you’ve got to escalate physically. You’re already in isolation because you’re living together, so that’s in your favor. A statement of intent will also weigh heavily in your favor, such as saying something she does or is wearing is “sexy”. (followed by that physical escalation) She’ll probably shoot you down at first, but this is to be expected. Don’t be phased by it, just act cool, but try again a few minutes later. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. If it really seems necessary an old fashioned freeze-out may be in order, the entire point of which is to get you on her mind, not the other guy. Push/pull and cocky funny, plus a splash of buying temperature spikes goes along way to achieving this. They’re old school pickup techniques that are tried and tested, and while I personally shy away from synthetic game, these principles do have their time and place such as situations as the one you’re in.
Next time a woman asks something of you like this, particularly an old hookup or FWB, make sure your needs are being met first.
I’m well-educated, in excellent shape, approach plenty, read plenty of game blogs, etc. My main sticking point is that I’m truly an introvert. I’m simply not an outgoing guy. Most advice I get it to simply be more outgoing, but I’m just not. What can I do to be more talkative? I think my inner game is fine. Do you think the solution is to learn some outer game (i.e., canned lines and routines)?
I’m going to give you the same advice I give everyone I train since there’s a lot of overlap between overcoming Approach Anxiety and and becoming more extroverted. First off, stop reading books, watching videos, and so on. All it’s going to do is fill your head with a bunch of conflicting info and cause you to “brain lock” when you do eventually attempt to use the material. Second, don’t be the guy who’s consumes all of this info, but then never puts any of it into practice. Now that that’s out of the way, on to the fun stuff.
Love Shyness, or what we colloquially refer to as Approach Anxiety (AA) is a mixture of stage freight and fear of rejection. The first part I want to discuss, the stage freight aspect, will lessen the more you are exposed to it. For this I highly recommend getting involved in public speaking clubs such as Toastmasters, and definitely take a speech course at your local community college. An improv class will also help out greatly in mitigating stage freight.
The second aspect of AA, fear of rejection, is a little more problematic in overcoming. Most of us with AA have suffered from pretty bad experiences with women. These negative experiences served as negative reinforcement which we’ve associated with talking to women we’re interested in. Over time this became internalized and associated with women we are attracted to. It’s actually a pretty unhealthy thing when you think about it. Solving this is not an overnight process and requires face-to-face interactions with women, the goal of which is to build up a foundation of positive reinforcement.
In my opinion getting over AA is a lot simpler than many people realize. A lot of emphasis in the seduction community is placed on breaking the ice using various openers, but in the long run this is one of the more trivial aspects of “Game”. If you can find a style or system that matches up with your personality and established communication style, the more naturally you’ll communicate using it. Faking it until you make it can work, but you’ll be fighting an uphill battle trying to be something you’re not. Don’t get me wrong, I do teach my students a basic structure, but to do so is beyond the scope of this article. Instead I want you to focus on improving your social attributes. This is where the public speaking comes into play and why I recommend Toastmasters and the speech course.
Gambits and routines are great training wheels to help you get over AA because they give you confidence in knowing what to say, but important to note they’re only short-term fixes. What usually happens is guys using them have to keep coming back to the well to get more and more material as their interactions develop and they keep running out of things to say. Instead of this rabbit hole I strongly recommend going out and just winging it. Experience is the #1 teacher. You’ll improve far faster in the field than you ever will reading books and digesting information found on pickup forums. Below is a very simple three-pronged methodology that will do wonders for mitigating your AA, all without trying to become Mr Pickup Artist:
1. Start working on your verbal and non-verbal communications. Stand in front of a mirror and watch how you move, hand gestures, your posture, and so on. Record yourself giving a 1 minute speech and when you play it back pay attention to the pacing of your speech, pitch, tonality, and so on. One of the most common faults we have is moving and talking too fast, so try slowing things down. That single change can do wonders for making your communications much more deliberate, both in what you say and how you say it.
2. Start out just saying “hi” to people in your day to day life. As you get more comfortable with this start working up to small talk. BS about the weather, ask about interesting trinkets they may be wearing, or perhaps comment on their interesting accent. Things of that nature will slowly chip away at the stage freight aspect of AA and get you into the habit of talking to people throughout your day. The end result is that you’ll become much more extroverted. Note: the only time I want you going online looking for help with approaching is if you are constantly getting blown out when doing so. Odd are what you’re saying isn’t the problem, but how you’re saying it that’s the problem.
3. Begin talking to people you’re not attracted to. Then work your way up to talking to women you’re not really that interested in. Eventually you’ll need to start talking to women you are interested in. As you build up to this stage you’re laying the foundation of the positive reinforcement I mentioned above.
This methodology will drastically reduce your approach anxiety, improve the core external elements of interpersonal communication, and will foster a more extroverted persona to the outside world. Overtime this will become internalized and you’ll truly become an extroverted person. However, you need to understand that it does indeed take time. There is no magic bullet that will cure AA or make one outgoing. Confidence is born from experience and positive reinforcement, which this methodology will foster. Experience and repetition will cement these elements into your personality as a whole as being social is a practiced activity, and like any other habit it can take weeks or months, and sometimes years, to become integrated into who you are.
Social skills are perishable so you’ve got to stay on top of things. Being social day in and day out is what it’s all about. If you catch yourself slipping back into old habits you’ve got to make corrections immediately. Do not wait until Monday or the first of the month to make a fresh start. This applies equally to any self-improvement you make in life.
Finally running a small harem for the first time, and running into the issue of girls trying to lock me down/make me feel guilty for sleeping with other women. Getting questions like “do you sleep with other girls?” “how many girls you bring back here?” etc.
How to be 1. somewhat honest (or at least congruent), while being 2. tactful, and 3. retaining the girls as long as possible.
Monkey wrench! Many of these are traditional Muslim girls. I have thought about just telling them I am their boyfriend after a time, and then proceeding as normal, just to abate their worries.
NEVER let on you are actually sleeping with other women or how many others you’ve been with. They may seem like they want to know, and may really think they want to know, but this is one of those cases where ignorance truly is bliss. As soon as they hear the truth regret will hit them (and probably you as well) like a ton of bricks. Here’s a great primer on the subject:
This is a solid example of where good frame control comes into play. All they need to know is that you’re not exclusive, so articulate in your own way that you enjoy her company and what you have when you’re together, and how you’d hate to lose that, but you’re not ready to settle down where your’e at in life / at this point in time. If she can’t accept that then you’ll understand if she feels she has to move on. This is the downside to having a harem, you’re going to have a revolving door of old ones leaving so long you’ve got to be adding new plates to the roster. That constant intake of new plates will really nullify the sting of losing old ones.
What I do recommend is defining now, ahead of time, what kind of woman it’ll take to drop the other plates and become exclusive someday. It’s bound to happen sooner or later, so decide now what you want and don’t want in a woman so you’ll know what to look for so you can choose wisely and not make the all too common mistake of dropping plates for the wrong woman.